Thoughts on blogging...

I don't know why, but I have this voice in my head that tells me I can only blog if I do it regularly, have at least 3 posts a week, have a certain amount of followers, or have Pinterest-quality photos for each and every post. Without these things {and more} my thoughts, ideas, projects, and life moments are not worthy to be shared on the interwebs. 

What's up with that?! Why do I do that to myself? 

I honestly really enjoy blogging. The writing and designing that go into it. It brings out a fun, creative side of me that I don't share in other aspects of my life. Yet I limit myself, add all these self-imposed boundaries that scare me away from doing something that I truly enjoy. I really don't have the time {or desire, for that matter} to blog regularly at this point in my life. Throughout the school year I put crazy amounts of time into my work, and rarely take time to enjoy various hobbies like blogging. One day, hopefully, that will change, but I know it won't be any time soon. And that's ok. 

This, however, does not mean that I don't have fun life moments with my husband, that I don't make some yummy recipes every now and then, that I don't come up with fun diy projects that I want to share with friends, or wear cute outfits to work. So why can't I let myself share those moments when they do happen?! 

I've realized a couple things about myself and blogging lately... having a blog brings out 2 not-so-great qualities in me. What?! I have not-so-great qualities?! Yeah, a few. 

1. Blogging brings out the perfectionist. I am SUCH a perfectionist. It's dumb how much of a perfectionist I am. You know when you write your name on a name tag with a sharpie and it's not centered perfectly or the sharpie line is so thick that you can't see the little gap in an "a" or "e"... KILLS me!! ha! Anyway, back to blogging... the perfectionist in me feels like every post needs to have several fool-you-into-thinking-I'm-actually-a-photographer quality pictures, every post has to be extremely witty and charming, every post needs to be formatted just exactly right. And, not to mention, if I'm going to be blogging I better be blogging no less than 3 times per week!! Gah! It's exhausting just thinking about it! 

2. Blogging brings out the people-pleaser. I want people to like me!! I mean, who doesn't? But seriously, I have this crazy need for people to like me. Don't get me wrong, I've never been the kind of person to make horrible life decisions to make a friend or two, but I am the person that ties herself in knots anytime I get the feeling that someone doesn't like me or is mad at me for some reason. It's ridiculous! I mean, why do I even care?! I need this reassurance of sorts and blogging seems to amplify that. Like having tons of followers, or getting nice comments, or posting my projects to Pinterest hoping for repins. I tend to forget that the real reason I enjoy blogging is because I enjoy the creative process, I enjoy looking back on posts and reminiscing in this way, and occasionally, I enjoy having the pleasure of getting to know someone that I wouldn't have met otherwise. 

So, all that being said, it boils down to this... 

I want to blog and I'm going to blog! Profound, right?!

It might not be regularly, it might not be witty or inspiring, I might only be blogging for the benefit of myself {along with my husband and mother-- who else matters, right?!} but I will start blogging again. I'm not going to worry about a schedule, or about weird filler posts {like "what's in my bag" type stuff. Seriously, who cares?! Unless it's your make-up bag, then I kinda care. anyway...}. When I have a cool project to share or a fun memory I want to look back on, when I especially like an outfit I've worn or am excited about a new recipe, expect to hear from me. That's the kind of stuff I want to remember {and the kind of stuff I like to read about on other blogs}, so that's what I'll be sharing. 

Otherwise I'll probably be pretty quiet. And that's ok. 

While I was home for Christmas I was able to help throw a shower for one of my cousins. This is actually her fourth baby, but the first little boy. Our family is pretty heavily saturated with ladies, so it was exciting to venture away from pink and purple!

I'll be honest, my aunt who I threw the shower with did most of the work {it's kind of hard to plan a shower from a different state, especially in the process of moving}, so I can't take much credit for how cute it turned out.

But, I did have a hand in a few of the cutesy details.

My cousin is going with a sailboat theme for the nursery, so we decided to keep that theme for the shower too. I found these cute anchor and sailboat cookie cutters on ebay and knew they would be a perfect addition to the cake!

I unfortunately had to buy a hand mixer while I was there, because even though I lugged my Kitchen Aide mixer allllll the way to Missouri, I somehow forgot to bring any of the attachments that go with it... so that was kind of cool. It made the icing situation a little more complicated, but I think they still turned out cute.

I also made this bunting to hang on and above the table.

Don't you love the name Benjamin? I think it's adorable! {We actually had a bit of a name situation for awhile... they were tossing around a name that Derek and I are pretty sold on, so we had to call dibs! haha It all worked out... after a black eye or two. Juuuuust kidding.}

I had to sew it on the floor since my desk was still in Kansas, but I actually kind of liked it. Maybe I'll sew on the floor more often.

Like I said, I can't take too much credit, but it was still a fun day! And Benjamin made out like a bandit!

Mission accomplished.

Looking back on 2012, I feel that I gained a lot of perspective. 

Learning to find contentment and joy in every circumstance. Choosing to be happy where I am in the moment, rather than waiting for the future to bring bigger and better things. Trusting the Lord's plans and timing rather than my own. 

These haven't been easy lessons, and I certainly haven't mastered them, but they have been so so beneficial for me. Life is what you make it, and 2012 taught me to live in the present rather than always waiting for tomorrow.

Though we usually don't make New Year's Resolutions, Derek said his only goal last year was to find a better job and get out of Garden City. I was in complete agreement because I just had to get out of that place and I wanted to be closer to family and friends.

Like I said though, I slowly became more content over the year and more at peace with our current situation. Realizing and accepting that it was truly where we were supposed to be in the moment. I actually started really loving how things were going, not really worrying about what could make our life better. Life was good.

And then... Derek was offered a "better job that would get him out of Garden City." huh.
God's timing is funny that way. 

It's a bittersweet feeling actually, one I didn't expect. I am so so soooo excited to be closer to "home" and family and friends, but I'm also a little bit sad. I dread leaving my students and the school that "broke me in," saying good bye to my new friends, knowing that facebook will be the only real way to keep in touch, and moving away from our first home together and the community that we've slowly learned to embrace. 

I'm so happy to be wrapping up the year with the feelings of excitement and anticipation that we didn't have last year. I'm also thankful that I have learned to appreciate our first home and will be able to look back on it with positive memories and a grateful heart, rather than with bitterness. 

This year has been better than I expected and exactly what I needed. I hope you can say the same!

Happy 2013!